Bizarre Conduct

Sometimes people do shit that's so weird that there's not a good immediate answer to it. For instance.

This guy comes in. He asks about cock rings and grabs 5 condoms. As I'm ringing him up I mention we have a condom deal where if he grabs one more he can get three for free. He says no thanks, he'll be in next week. This gives me pause because seriously, he's gonna come in next week for more condoms when he can just get three for free? But it's his choice so I drop it and continue ringing him in. A coworker comes up and sees the five condoms. She repeats verbatim what I said and slightly annoyed he says, "I'm aware of that, but I just need five. I'll be back next week." She stares at him and says they have a three year shelf life and he just shakes his head. He pays with a 100 dollar bill (which is annoying, since his total was only $15) and I hand him his change. He says not to worry about the change and takes his coins, and a dollar and leaves them on the counter, leaving promptly. I stared down at it. It's not that uncommon for people to not want coins, and we generally just stick it in a give-a-penny-take-a-penny cup. But he deliberately added a dollar to the pile. I could only assume that he meant it as a tip, which considering we don't have a tip jar and we're an adult store, seems pretty damn weird. My coworker joins me staring at it. "Did he just tip you?" I nod and we look at it for a moment more. "Just take it" she said and I scooped it up and popped it in my pocket.

There's also a certain amount of leakage between our job and the real world. We don't consider it weird to talk about things that would make most of society blush. At my old store we played games at our ladies nights. We went through all our porn to find sultry one-liners, and whoever could read them aloud in the sexiest way without giggling won a prize. After reading through a lot of erotica I went on a walk later with some friends. I was loudly regaling them with a ludicrous story about a guy whose wife's vagina just wasn't tight enough to make him orgasm, so he switched to her butt. It seemed so ridiculous, erotica is supposed to be the epitome of sexiness, whose idea of sexy is their wife's loose vagina? My friends laughed, and then we all looked over to see a group of people on their balcony staring at us in horror.

Likewise, our assistant manager came in one day and told us how she got finger-fucked in an alley. We all grimaced and said that might not be the most appropriate, and the mental image was appalling. As we were discussing it another coworker was texting. She exclaimed in horror a moment later and we all looked over at her. "You know when you're thinking something, but writing something else? I almost texted my dad about finger fucking!"