It's Probably Dairy

This was my favorite part of my trip to Sacramento, and I hesitated to write it because I do try not to write anything that will offend the audience (ie: my friends and family) but this was just too funny.

I was having really bad stomach cramps the whole trip. I'm highly inclined to believe this was due to stress, but everyone had a theory. At dinner, my aunt Lianne told me it was probably dairy. As soon as she said it my cousin Jon and his girlfriend Alia either looked away or snickered quietly. I asked them about it later. "She thinks everything is because of dairy." Jon told me. Alia agreed, adding, "I had a rash on my leg once and she thought it was dairy. I cut out dairy for two weeks only to find it was a bacterial rash. Or when Jon had hay fever-" "She said that was dairy too."

It became a running joke through the trip. Low sex drive? Probably dairy. Cancer if you've smoked all your life? Probably dairy.

The best one though was on our last night. My sisters baby kept fussing through dinner. I looked over to Jon and Alia and with a straight face said, "It's probably all the dairy in his diet." We all three burst out laughing to my sisters indignation. "He doesn't have any dairy! I'm not a cow!" We stared at her and I said, "Any milk product is dairy... It's still dairy if it's goat milk, and it's still dairy if it's human milk." The table got thoughtful and finally she agreed that it was likely all the dairy in his diet, that she'd have to cut it out if she wanted him to stop fussing.