Today a small group came in, one short girl whose face looked hardened into bitterness. Her friend was taller and marshmallowy in build. They had a generic sort of wanna-be gangsta guy with them. The short jaded looking one came up to the counter while her friend looked at books. "Are you guys hiring?" I smile and say we're always accepting applications, which is nonsense, but it's nicer than just saying no. She asks for an application and as I'm reaching into my filing folder for one she asks, "what's it like, working here?" I shrug noncommittally, "it's just a retail job." She looks immediately suspicious, like I'm lying. "But do you meet a lot of creepers or weirdos?" I give her a blank stare with the application in my hands. "It depends on your outlook. You have to discuss really personal topics with people and be okay with that rather than judging them."
This girl looks like she judges everyone for everything. Her generic boy finds the batteries and says, "who's Doc Johnson?" I want to laugh but I just quirk a smile. "Doc Johnson is a toy brand. They make low power batteries that don't run the motors as hard as say Duracell or Energizers." The jaded girl is staring at me in horror and pushes the application back across the counter at me. "Never mind."
Batteries? Batteries were enough to scare you away? You see the 20lb ass and fully realistic legs behind me, right? But batteries? Okay. So they wander around, and her marshmallow friend begs her to buy Gabriel's Inferno which is basically just a knock off of 50 Shades. She asks me if I've read it. I tell her no, but that I've read Bared to You and all three 50 Shades books. She takes this as an opening to gush about it. My lip start curling back involuntarily in disgust as she raptures over how fast she blazed through them.
I shrug, "I didn't really care for them, the author isn't a very good writer. I read a lot so I'm picky, and she just repeats words over and over. Like mercurial. It's good once, but y'know." I expect her to back off since I'm clearly not a fellow fan but she doesn't. "That's what I thought at first! But then you realize how dark his past is, with her innocence, and it's all just so complicated!" I am trying not to snarl or laugh in her face. 3/4s of those books are email headers and repeats of the same lines over and over, but yeah, super deep. Completely misinformed is the words I would have chosen but complicated works too. So she buys the erotic novel and then they keep wandering. She had begged her friend to pay for the book, and she asked if I took these, and flashed an unfamiliar card in my face. I tilted my head, and said I didn't know. She informed me it was government aid. I tried not to cringe. She then handed me cash instead.
So they keep walking around and the girl decides there's another book she needs, and promises to pay the embittered girl back tomorrow since it's payday then. The jaded girl then starts griping about how she can't keep blowing money cause her kid needs shoes.
The marshmallow offers to give her $100 if she'll buy whatever she wants now. She agreed immediately, her child's shoes put on hold for erotica.
The final nonsense they added to the morning was when the marshmallow was checking out for the final time. She said she would love to work here and her friend looked scandalized. I passed over the application. "Is it full time?" I shook my head, "No, only the manager or assistant manager are full time." She nods, "but like, I have another job, how would the scheduling work?" I try not to laugh at her presumption. "We're looking for mostly open availability at the moment" She hastened to assure me her other job was a night one, and as long as she didn't have to come in before ten it would be okay. Playing along I said that only key holders like myself can open, that the next earliest shift is noon, so she had nothing to worry about. Reassured on her fictitious scheduling dilemma they finally left and I went into the back to punch the inflatable boob to blow off steam.
No comments:
Post a Comment