South of Somewhere

My town is a haven for culture amid an oddly red-necked area. It's like once you step outside the city limits it's collection of tiny southern towns, which is odd considering our proximity to Canada. For the most part there's no reason to leave city limits. I had to stop for gas once several miles out of town and was baffled to find myself faced with jean overalls and the distinct feeling like I'd stepped into Deliverance. He stared at me while I pumped gas, and for dramatic reenactment, he did so with a pig under one arm.

So one night at work it's me and Kat. We're having a fairly slow night right up to close. Then we get in two groups. One is comprised of nicely dressed women, shopping for a bachelorette party. The second is a group of guys young enough that we card them, looking like they just stepped out of the Deep South. We leave well enough alone for a while, but finally one of the boys approaches. Me and Kat look up politely at him and he grins and leans against the counter and starts drawling. "Me an' my buddies just come up from TINY TOWN, not much goin' on down there on a Friday night. We figgered we'd find a party up here. Just drive right on up."

Kat is being polite, but all I can think is that if this guy's fishing for a party invitation he'd be sadly disappointed to know me and Kat were having a tempura night at her place. As I was leaving to count down our secondary register I hear him call Kat beautiful and stifle a groan. By the time I come back he's given up and rejoined his friends. Kat gives me a sardonic look and I grin. As they're leaving all three guys saunter out lazily, bidding us, "Good night beautifuls!" We roll our eyes and the bachelorette shoppers approach. "Were they for real?" We laugh and nod. "What were they saying?" I laughed and said how he kept dropping hints about looking for a party, cause we were the place to be for parties apparently. The women laughed and asked where the boys had been from. Kat told her the name of the county and they said they were Canadian, and didn't recognize it. "It's a little town south of here." I chimed in  "But y'know what's funny is they actually had southern accents. I mean, we're almost as far north as it's possible to be. Maybe you just have to be from the south of somewhere to talk like that." So it's possible to be in the Deep South at any point on a map, as long as you're south of some larger metropolis. I'm developing the Theory of Relatively Southern areas. It's a work in progress.