Prank Callers

We have a prank call policy. My first store was pretty strict, no joking with the prank callers, just be professional and then hang up. The store I transferred to has a way better policy. That policy is that our job is to make them hang up on us, which usually involves making them so uncomfortable that they get off the line. Today I had the best prank call ever.

Caller: Hey, I have an emergency!
Me: What's up?
Caller: I need 12 boxes of dildos delivered to my house!
Me: (Playing it cool) Tsk, I'm so sorry, we don't do delivery.
Caller: ...Do you know who would?
Me: Hmm, you might try the store up the street.
Caller: (Clearly disappointed in how this is going for him) Okay, thanks.

And he hung up. I won the call, and quickly told a coworker about it, chuckling. After a few moments I turned to her and said, "Damn, I wish I'd thought to say we do deliveries and taken their address and stuff." She burst out laughing and immediately started coaxing me to call back. Unlike most prank calls, they hadn't bothered to block the number. On the promise of a crepe, I called them back.

Caller: Hello?
Me: Hey, this is STORE, you just called about the shipment of dildos?
Caller: (Trying to get back in character) Oh! Uh, yeah, my emergency.
Me: Yeah, well I talked to my manager and it turns out we CAN do a delivery, I just need your address and credit card number.
Caller: Can you get them to me tonight?
Me: No, sorry, the earliest we can get them delivered is next week. The total for 12 boxes of dildos is $1200.
Caller: $1200?! What kind of dildos are they?
Me: (At this point, I can hear the kid laughing, and it's hard to play it straight) They're standard 6" with balls, latex blend.

Caller: (Openly laughing) 6" with balls...
Me: So if you have an address and-
Click.

It was a stressful day, but this definitely made up for it.