Home Wrecker

I am tiny. I weight 108lbs when I'm up to weight, and I'm about 5'3". But if you piss me off, I will destroy your furniture. This is one of those stories where you'll just have to trust I'm not exaggerating.

One Halloween I was keeping company with Charlie and Brendan. We went to Charlie's house and watched Groundhogs Day of all things, and maybe Hogfather. Brendan and I decided to stay the night, it was about 3am when the movies were done. Unbeknownst to us, Charlie's parents were recovering from swine flu. The next morning they said we had to get out of the house- sometime around 7am.

Charlie came into the room where I was still sleeping on his bed. "Reggie, you gotta get up, I have to take you to your car." I didn't even open my eyes. I just burrowed deeper into the covers. "Reggie, c'mon, get up." He pulled the covers off and I just tightened into a little ball.

I had an older brother, so when he started trying to lift me out of bed, I just went into deadweight. He yelped as I doubled in weight, and started trying to pull me out of the bed. I frowned, and latched my toes onto the side rail of his bed frame.

When he saw what I'd done he laughed and started pulling. "C'mon Reggie, you have to get up!" He pulled, and I just tightened my toes, keeping the rest of my body limp, so sleep deprived that these seemed like reasonable steps to take just to try to sleep longer.

I woke up when we heard the crack. I let go of the rail and stood up, blinking sleepily. Charlie let go of me and stared in horror at the cracked wood. "Did you seriously just break my bed with your feet?" I rubbed my eyes, "I'm sorry. You probably should have stopped pulling..." He was laughing, "A 300 hundred pound dude didn't break my bed when he jumped on it and there were five other people on it already. You're a monster."