The Break In

I haven't ever been robbed, but once when I was at the STORE further south, we did have a break-in. Parts of the break-in were really masterfully done, and parts of it were just baffling. The way the store was set up he broke into an area below an etagere, and it wasn't on camera. It didn't even fully set off the alarms. He snuck in through the floor level glass pane and managed to stay off camera the whole time. He broke in near DVDs, and we thought he was probably aiming to steal them, only to be foiled by the fact that we take them out of the cases and store them separately.

So, unable to steal DVDs he chooses the next best thing. And by next best I mean have you guys ever smelled a Basix dildo? I've said it before, but I'll say it again, if your toy smells, it should not be going inside you. Basix not only smell terrible, they sweat this awful greasy chemical sweat. This would-be thief decided he needed a backpack full of exclusively Basix dildos. Big 10" ones. And several bottles of Anal-eaze. For those that don't know, that's a powerful anesthetic, you can put anything up your butt that you want, and oh my goodness will you regret it the next day because it doesn't stop your muscles from tearing under unexpected strain.

So he crams his bag full of the two worst possible choices in the store, all the while managing to avoid cameras. Then he exits the store. It seems he tripped the alarm on his way out. They found him a few blocks away, running, Basix dildos flying from his backpack as he ran. They arrested him, and he sobbingly confessed, "I stole all the dongs!" When relating this story recently I added that it could have been a brilliant break-in. He could have taken one or two expensive toys, and walked into the nearby coffee shop to sit calmly for an hour or two before busing away. That probably would have been easier to accomplish if he hadn't been on hard drugs. Still. Running away while dildos fly out of your bag is rather a giveaway, don't you  think?