Over 50

This morning has been a parade of older men. It didn’t have a promising start. As I was unlocking the front doors, I looked up and saw the first man tapping his foot. I opened the door and laughed, “Sorry, you don’t have to wait while I unlock it." All he said was, “There you go." His tone dripped condescension. I ignored him and opened up.

I started eating my breakfast, expecting it to be just me and the grump for a while. The second man came in as I’d just taken a huge bite of my muffin. “Do you have ID silicone lube?" Mutely I nodded, trying to pretend my mouth wasn’t full.

I brought him over and managed to swallow before I had to talk. He started telling me how he and his wife run an escort service. He said the silicone was a necessity since things like K-Y and Astroglide gunk up on the girls. Half awake I tried to imagine casually telling people that I ran an escort service, just slipping it into coffee conversations.


The last older man takes the cake though. That’s a pun. He came in, looking nervous but determined. His posture was curled in and anxious. He strode up to me purposefully, grinning through gapped front teeth. “I’m looking for- I don’t know if I can say it." I looked at him patiently, “I’ve heard it all before." He shuffled, “I need a fake-" he covered his mouth, “vagina."

 It was like that one word unplugged his anxiety. He straightened up, radiating jovial interest. I led him to the men’s section, laughing at his previous discomfort. “Well, I was nervous! I said to my mom- she’s 76- I says to her, how can an old guy like me go in and ask that of these young women? And she told me, son, they’re professionals." I grinned, “Always listen to your mom." We went through different masturbators, I pointed out ones I thought would work best. It took him a while to convey that he was making a fully realistic woman cake. He ended up on one of the cyberskin ones with a full ass and vagina, and began detailing the process of making specialty cakes. He’d use hard cake for the rough structure, then shape meringue around to flesh her out, finally airbrushing and icing her. I asked excitedly if I could have pictures when it was done and he said he’d do me one better and provide a video. He said it would take roughly 19 hours to complete, but most customers wanted to see the process so they had a camera set up. He described the bachelorettes cake as a giant penis filled with icing that could be shot out of it. When he quoted the price of making them my eyebrows shot up and he grinned. “I’m the minister and the baker. It’s my sons best friend, known him his whole life, so I’m doing it gratis."